*Warning the spelling in this may be quite awful. I'm classified with a learning disability for it. Would you patronize a handicapped person? If yes, ew. If no, then shut the hell up.
If you haven't head of "The Cup Song" by now, I don't know where you've been. It has always been a cheerful song activity that young kids, or campers have always found enjoyable. However, I hate this god damn song. IT'S HARD AS HELL TO ACTUALLY DO WITH THE CUP! non of this slapping your thighs crap.
Let me back up though...
While enjoying my time at a college football tailgate, I was asked by a few sorority girls I am friends with to partake in a male pageant for their phylanthropy. I am not one who enjoys standing up in front of a large crowd and getting "eye-raped", but I was very "happy" at the time and thought, "its for a good cause, why the hell not." God dammit.
I was informed the pageant consisted of 3 different outfit changes, a talent portion, and a questionaire. The main worry I had after hearing this... was with the word talent. Put blatantly, i'm about as talented on stage as a pile of sticks. My talents consist of art, making videos, photography, football, etc. Unfortunately, non of these things are a good option for performing live on stage! I needed a large scale idea that would be interesting, and appeal to a large audience of screaming sorority girls, and judgmental fraternity guys. So, just as college students have done for years, I waited until the last minute to prepare. Actually, I waited until 4 hours before the pageant to even think of an idea. GO ME!
This is where "The Cup Song" becomes relevant in this dreadful story. It is one of the most viewed "how to" video topics on youtube currently! God knows I waist hours on that search engine from hell, and it finally gave my brain an idea rather than rotting it. (Side note, I love YouTube, actually i'm obsessed, I'm trying to tell myself its bad in an attempt to free my soul. It wont work, but I felt I needed to clarify. Let's continue with the story now.)
I practiced that damn song all afternoon. Getting the beat was easy, but adding in the lyrics, what the heck! (You have no idea how hard I'm trying to keep myself censored) I started getting so nervous, but once it got close to show time, i was confident in my skills. I was able to successfully complete the entire song a handful of times, and convinced myself I would be fine on stage. HAHAHAHAHA
Anyway here is a basic guideline of how the pageant went.
- First, I had to go out in "mixer wear" which is basically a themed party outfit. I chose the theme "America", hoping that if the judges didn't give me a high score, they would be labeled communists. Luckily for me, three other contestants had the same thought process as me. (There goes my originality) I wore American Flag short shorts, a stars and strips bow tie, and a "back to back world champs" shirt that i took off once I walked up to the stage. I must say, the cheer I received made the old chubby boy in me blush.
- The next outfit I had to appear in was for "swim wear," so I put together my lifeguard uniform. Some people were funny with water wings, floaties, and speedos! Glad I was boring as hell, coming out with dirty blue swim trunks, whistle, sunglasses, and guard shirt over my shoulder. Other people did poses and skits, I stood up there like an awkward duck. (Yes duck, thats not a spelling mistake) ... and to make matters worse, I didn't hear my number get called and came out late as hell. BOUNUS POINTS!!!
- Now it was time for the talent portion... Some of the other people did great, and some of them bombed. I was second to last so I had time to scope out the competition. The contestant right before me was a trained singer and performed "Wagon Wheel," and killed it. Great. So I go up there, pull out my solo cup, and everyone instantly starts to laugh and knows what i'm doing. Sadly I epically fail the first few times a attempt the beat of the cup, of course it had to be on stage. In an attempt to be witty, i threw in a few jokes, and sang in the worst possible voice I could muster up. The entire audience burst into laughter, and assumed that the messed up cup beats were intentional. I got a great reaction and a round of applause. SHEER LUCK!
- Finally it was time for the formal attire and question part of the pageant. I cam out in a suit that was sloppily put on, in order to depict the aftermath of a formal function, and to make it funny. When it was my turn to answer a question, I was asked, "Which kardashian sister are you most like and why?" I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE DAMN KARDASHIANS! On the other hand, my girlfriend is a huge fan, so i've seen enough pictures of Kim Kardashian to know she has a huge butt. My response to the question was, "I would have to say Kim, because I've been told we share similar ASSets." The beautiful host asking the question looks at me and goes, "Oh you have a nice but?" I answer smirking, "Would you like me to prove it?" After getting a positive response from the host and the crowd, I almost turn around to moon the crowd before the host stops me laughing and says I can't do that. In order to save myself I bring the microphone up to my mouth, look the host in the eyes, and say, "I guess I'll just have to show you later." Finish off with a wink, and BAM crowd loves it.
In the end, I unfortunately did not place. I did however receive a personal win though after the host gave me a special shout out and called me "sexy".
If you would like to see footage of the pageant I'll put a link or video below.
Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this post!
Be Sure you check me out on all Social Media & YouTube
Website: MikeMGTV.com
SUBSCRIBE:https://www.youtube.com/user/MikeMGTV?feature=watch
Twitter: https://twitter.com/MikeMGTV
Tumblr: http://mikemgtv.tumblr.com/
No comments:
Post a Comment