The Cup Song Redemption

The Cup Song, Kim Kardashian, and My Butt

*Warning the spelling in this may be quite awful. I'm classified with a learning disability for it. Would you patronize a handicapped person? If yes, ew. If no, then shut the hell up. 

If you haven't head of "The Cup Song" by now, I don't know where you've been. It has always been a cheerful song activity that young kids, or campers have always found enjoyable. However, I hate this god damn song. IT'S HARD AS HELL TO ACTUALLY DO WITH THE CUP! non of this slapping your thighs crap.

Let me back up though...

While enjoying my time at a college football tailgate, I was asked by a few sorority girls I am friends with to partake in a male pageant for their phylanthropy. I am not one who enjoys standing up in front of a large crowd and getting "eye-raped", but I was very "happy" at the time and thought, "its for a good cause, why the hell not." God dammit.

I was informed the pageant consisted of 3 different outfit changes, a talent portion, and a questionaire. The main worry I had after hearing this... was with the word talent. Put blatantly, i'm about as talented on stage as a pile of sticks. My talents consist of art, making videos, photography, football, etc. Unfortunately, non of these things are a good option for performing live on stage! I needed a large scale  idea that would be interesting, and appeal to a large audience of screaming sorority girls, and judgmental fraternity guys. So, just as college students have done for years, I waited until the last minute to prepare. Actually, I waited until 4 hours before the pageant to even think of an idea. GO ME!

This is where "The Cup Song" becomes relevant in this dreadful story. It is one of the most viewed "how to" video topics on youtube currently! God knows I waist hours on that search engine from hell, and it finally gave my brain an idea rather than rotting it. (Side note, I love YouTube, actually i'm obsessed, I'm trying to tell myself its bad in an attempt to free my soul. It wont work, but I felt I needed to clarify. Let's continue with the story now.)

I practiced that damn song all afternoon. Getting the beat was easy, but adding in the lyrics, what the heck! (You have no idea how hard I'm trying to keep myself censored) I started getting so nervous, but once it got close to show time, i was confident in my skills. I was able to successfully complete the entire song a handful of times, and convinced myself I would be fine on stage. HAHAHAHAHA

Anyway here is a basic guideline of how the pageant went.

• First, I had to go out in "mixer wear" which is basically a themed party outfit. I chose the theme "America", hoping that if the judges didn't give me a high score, they would be labeled communists. Luckily for me, three other contestants had the same thought process as me. (There goes my originality) I wore American Flag short shorts, a stars and strips bow tie, and a "back to back world champs" shirt that i took off once I walked up to the stage. I must say, the cheer I received made the old chubby boy in me blush. 
• The next outfit I had to appear in was for "swim wear," so I put together my lifeguard uniform. Some people were funny with water wings, floaties, and speedos! Glad I was boring as hell, coming out with dirty blue swim trunks, whistle, sunglasses, and guard shirt over my shoulder. Other people did poses and skits, I stood up there like an awkward duck. (Yes duck, thats not a spelling mistake) ... and to make matters worse, I didn't hear my number get called and came out late as hell. BOUNUS POINTS!!!
• Now it was time for the talent portion... Some of the other people did great, and some of them bombed. I was second to last so I had time to scope out the competition. The contestant right before me was a trained singer and performed "Wagon Wheel," and killed it. Great. So I go up there, pull out my solo cup, and everyone instantly starts to laugh and knows what i'm doing. Sadly I epically fail the first few times a attempt the beat of the cup, of course it had to be on stage. In an attempt to be witty, i threw in a few jokes, and sang in the worst possible voice I could muster up. The entire audience burst into laughter, and assumed that the messed up cup beats were intentional. I got a great reaction and a round of applause. SHEER LUCK!
• Finally it was time for the formal attire and question part of the pageant. I cam out in a suit that was sloppily put on, in order to depict the aftermath of a formal function, and to make it funny. When it was my turn to answer a question, I was asked, "Which kardashian sister are you most like and why?" I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT THE DAMN KARDASHIANS! On the other hand, my girlfriend is a huge fan, so i've seen enough pictures of Kim Kardashian to know she has a huge butt. My response to the question was, "I would have to say Kim, because I've been told we share similar ASSets." The beautiful host asking the question looks at me and goes, "Oh you have a nice but?" I answer smirking, "Would you like me to prove it?" After getting a positive response from the host and the crowd, I almost turn around to moon the crowd before the host stops me laughing and says I can't do that. In order to save myself I bring the microphone up to my mouth, look the host in the eyes, and say, "I guess I'll just have to show you later." Finish off with a wink, and BAM crowd loves it. 

In the end, I unfortunately did not place. I did however receive a personal win though after the host gave me a special shout out and called me "sexy".

If you would like to see footage of the pageant I'll put a link or video below. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_xkxMf40W2M

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this post!

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How To: Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Long distance relationships are hard, and 75 percent of them end in a break up. Growing up I always thought that long distance couples were completely ridiculous, and I couldn't understand why anyone would even attempt one. It seemed mind boggling to me that people would want a boyfriend or girlfriend, and all the hardships that already come with the relationship package, and not even get to see them often.

Senior year in high school this was my philosophy. I vowed I would not have a girlfriend before I went to college, which was silly because I wasn't much of a ladies man to begin with, and did not want any restrictions entering college. I knew I was going to be going far away to college, so any kind of love connection just seemed like an emotionally painful idea to me.

Half way through the year, I met a girl one night out at a local club. Long story short, we started seeing each other periodically, not calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend because I was still against the whole idea of it. A few months go by, and no we are officially dating, but plan on breaking up and staying friends when we both go off to college. Two days before I leave for college, I get cold feet. My girlfriend made it clear she wanted to try and say together, and eventually I realized that is what I wanted to. So yes, I am in a long distance relationship...

That was three years ago. After a lot of work, planning, and strategy, my girlfriend and I have managed to overcome the odds and stay together much longer than one would have assumed. In this post I am going to list out the main factors of successfully maintaining a long distance relationship, in my opinion.

TOP 5 FACTORS OF A SUCCESSFUL LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP!

1. Trust
- This is the most important factor of any relationship, but is critical in a long distance one. Most of the attempted relationships I have seen fail because the couple had limited trust for one another. Jealousy, restriction of activities and friends, and fighting are all side affects from a lack of trust. You have to believe in your partner! Let them do what they want, go where they want, and be friends with who they want. Trying to control one other due to fear of being hurt will only cause resentment, and end up hurting both people involved regardless. If the person you are dating cant be trusted around friends, members of the opposite sex, or in certain environments or situations, then the relationship may not be worth keeping.

2. Honesty
- This goes hand in hand with trust. Honesty is the best way to gain someones trust. When you lie, it makes you appear sketchy, or have secrets you are trying to hide. Be an open book to avoid causing animosity. Tell your partner what you doing, and who you are doing it with. When you lie about these things, it causes a web of lies when you have to cover your tracks. When the inevitable happens, and someone gets caught in a lie, the trust between the two of you will start to decay.

3. Communication
- In this day and age, staying in touch with each other should be a breeze. (For example, social media apps, cellphones, email, etc.) However, the best way to communicate with  one another is by actually picking up the phone and making a phone call. I know, seems like I'm asking you to travel back into the stone age right? In society today, people seem to prefer texting over talking on the phone. When you send and read a text, information can be misread, misconstrued, and end up not having the desired affect you are trying to get across. Hearing someone's voice is much more personal because it hold emotion in every word spoken. Making time to talk to one another on the phone at least once a day will help maintain the passion within the relationship. A simple call to say goodnight could mean a world of difference.

4. Scheduled Visits
- Make plans to see one another! The hardest times being away from my girlfriend are when I don't know when I will see her again. That is why before every semester, we sit down and plan when and where we will see each other next. For this you must take everything into consideration. Budget, time, school, there are a lot of factors that need to be thought out. However, in the end it is all worth it. It is nice knowing when you will see each other next, because it gives each of you something to look forward to. This step helps maintain interest in the relationship, and prevents one from feeling like their efforts are worthless, and losing hope.

5. Effort
- Finally, effort needs to be made in order to make a long distance relationship work. All of the above factors require effort, but sometimes times adding a little more can have an immensely positive affect. Here are some things one could do in order to portray a little extra effort.

• A personal gift or surprise
• A surprise couples trip or event
• Saying extra nice things to one another (For example guys, if you girlfriend ever sends you a picture of an outfit she is wearing, the fallowing response should always be along the lines of, "you look stunning.")
• Always saying good morning & goodnight. 
• Saying, "I love you / I miss you," as much as possible!

To sum up, these are the main points of keeping a successful long distance relationship. Hopefully this was helpful to anyone in this situation. If you ever need any other advice or examples, feel free to check out my youtube channel ( MikeMGTV ) in order for some relationship advice, or example videos with my girlfriend. If you have any questions or concerns, be sure to comment on the videos or message me on there! 

Again, I hope this post was helpful, and provided some inspiring information to anyone reading it. Have an awesome day, and keep the love going! 

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